If you've been wondering why the holidays feel so heavy this year, you're not alone, and there's nothing wrong with you. When you've been living in survival mode, the most wonderful time of the year can feel like one more thing to get through. The good news is that you can make this season gentler, one small step at a time.
Every year I hear it from women who love their families and want the season to feel special, yet by mid-December they're exhausted and counting the days until January. Let's talk about why, and what can help.
What does "survival mode" actually mean?
Survival mode is what happens when your nervous system has been on high alert for so long that "always on" starts to feel normal. Maybe it's been a hard year of caregiving, grief, chronic illness, or old hurts that never got the chance to heal.
In survival mode, your body is focused on getting through the day, not on enjoying it. You might notice:
· Feeling tired even after a full night's sleep
· Snapping at people you love, then feeling guilty
· Your mind racing through to-do lists at 2 a.m.
· Saying yes to everything because saying no feels impossible
If these sound familiar, you're not weak or failing. Your body has been working hard to protect you.
Why do the holidays make survival mode worse?
The holidays add a lot to a nervous system that's already full:
1. More to do, less time to rest. Shopping, cooking, hosting, and travel pile up at once. If you're the one who keeps everything running, the mental load can double overnight.
2. Family dynamics and old memories. Gatherings can bring up old roles, tension, or painful memories. That knot in your stomach on the drive to a relative's house is your nervous system remembering.
3. Grief shows up at the table. An empty chair, a first holiday after a loss, or the ache of the family you hoped for can make celebrations bittersweet.
4. The pressure to feel joyful. When everyone seems merry and bright, it's easy to feel like something is wrong with you for not feeling the same.
5. Perfectionism kicks into high gear. The perfect gifts, the perfect meal, the perfect photo. For many women, the holidays become one more place where "good enough" never feels like enough.
How can you take care of yourself this holiday season?
You don't have to overhaul your life to feel a little lighter. Small, steady steps can help your body feel safer:
· Pick what matters most. Choose two or three traditions that truly bring you joy, and give yourself permission to let the rest go.
· Practice a gentle "no." "That won't work for me this year" is a complete sentence.
· Build in pauses. Five quiet minutes with a slow breath or a short walk can help your body settle.
· Plan for hard moments. Before a stressful gathering, decide how long you'll stay and who you can text for support.
· Rest without earning it. Rest isn't a reward for finishing everything. It's something you need.
When is it time to talk to a therapist?
Sometimes self-care isn't enough, and that's okay. It may be time to reach out if:
· The heaviness has lasted for months, not just weeks
· You feel anxious, on edge, or numb most of the time
· Past experiences keep showing up in your body, your sleep, or your relationships
At Wellspring Therapy Associates, I offer trauma-informed therapy and EMDR therapy to help you work through what's keeping you stuck, so your body can learn that it's safe to rest again. For women who want focused progress, I also offer EMDR intensives . If you'd like your Christian faith to be part of your healing, I'm glad to include it.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel sad or anxious during the holidays?
Yes. Many people feel more stressed, lonely, or sad during the holidays, especially after a loss or a hard year.
Can therapy help with survival mode?
Yes. Trauma-informed therapy and EMDR can help your nervous system move out of constant high alert, so you feel calmer and more like yourself.
Do you offer online therapy?
Yes. I see clients online throughout Florida, South Carolina, Texas, and Colorado, so you can get support from home.
You don't have to carry this season alone
If the holidays already feel heavy, you deserve support now, not just in the new year. I offer a free 15-minute consultation so we can talk about what you're facing and whether we're a good fit.
Book your free 15-minute consultation or call (407) 955-9774. I'd love to hear from you.
Brenda Stewart, LMHC, LPC, NCC, is a Certified EMDR Therapist and the founder of Wellspring Therapy Associates. Based in Orlando, FL, she offers online therapy across Florida, South Carolina, Texas, and Colorado.
