When Holidays Don’t Feel Very Festive
Today is the 4th of July. There are fireworks, cookouts, red-white-and-blue everything—the Fourth of July often arrives with bold enthusiasm and an invitation to celebrate. It’s a holiday associated with freedom, community, and summertime joy. But for many, the noise of celebration clashes with the quiet ache of reality.
If you’re finding it hard to feel festive this year, you’re not alone. Holidays—especially ones that are supposed to be joyful—can stir up complex emotions. Sometimes it’s not freedom we’re feeling, but grief, exhaustion, or isolation. Here are just a few reasons why this Independence Day might feel heavier than usual, and a few gentle ways to navigate it with grace.
1. You're Grieving a Loss
Grief doesn’t take holidays off. In fact, it often shows up more intensely during them. The absence of someone you love may feel sharper on a day when others are gathering, laughing, and reminiscing. Maybe this is your first Fourth of July without someone dear, or maybe it's been years—but the ache still finds its way in.
Patriotic music, family gatherings, and rituals that once felt comforting may now serve as reminders of what’s missing. You might find yourself avoiding events you used to love because they no longer feel the same.
Instead of pushing yourself to "get over it" or "join the fun," give yourself space to honor your loss. Maybe that looks like lighting a candle, sitting quietly with memories, visiting a meaningful place, or doing something they once enjoyed. Grief and love are forever intertwined—and it’s okay if this holiday looks different now.
Once you allow yourself to feel the emotion, then shift your focus to the life you currently have. What is something you can do today, that engages in life now.
2. You're Living with Chronic Illness or Medical Challenges
When your body is struggling—whether from chronic illness, pain, fatigue, or a recent diagnosis—it can be hard to keep up with the pace and pressure of holiday gatherings. The idea of standing in the heat, navigating crowded spaces, or managing dietary needs at a barbecue might feel more overwhelming than enjoyable. You may find yourself even in physical pain that demands lying in a dark room.
While others are packing coolers and planning road trips, you may be budgeting your energy just to get through the day. That disconnect can feel isolating, especially if people around you don’t understand your experience. You may be thinking about days gone by when your body was healthy. Try not to camp out in that space as it will take you on a downward spiral. Rather, shift your focus to what you can do today, even if it looks different.
Give yourself permission to participate in your own way—or not at all. You are not less patriotic, less joyful, or less valuable because your body has limits. If a quiet day of rest is what you need, take it. If watching fireworks from indoors or connecting with one close friend feels right, do that. You don’t have to match anyone else’s version of celebration.
3. Your Relationships Feel Distant or Strained
Holidays can highlight disconnection. Maybe you’re far from family, feeling lonely in your current season of life, or estranged from those you once celebrated with. The Fourth of July can feel especially isolating when everyone else seems surrounded by laughter and connection.
The truth is, not all families are close. Not all friendships are thriving. And not all people have a place where they feel they belong on a holiday. If this is your experience, let’s name it honestly: it hurts.
But this day doesn't have to be about forced togetherness. It can be an opportunity to connect in different ways—with nature, with your faith, with a chosen community, or even with yourself. Send a thoughtful message. Invite someone else who might be alone. Or simply spend the day doing something meaningful to you, even if that means being still.
4. You’re Carrying a Heavy Medical or Mental Load
Maybe you’re awaiting test results, in the middle of treatment, managing anxiety or depression, or supporting someone else who is suffering. These internal battles often go unnoticed by others, but they affect every part of how we show up.
It’s okay if your heart is heavy. It’s okay if your thoughts feel scattered, or your emotions are close to the surface. You are carrying a lot—and just because the world is celebrating doesn’t mean you have to.
So What Can You Do When It Doesn’t Feel Like a Celebration?
Here are three gentle ways to care for yourself when fireworks and festivities feel far away from where you are emotionally or physically:
Look for Glimmers
Glimmers are small, fleeting moments of peace, hope, or beauty. They're like the nervous system's version of a sigh of relief. They can be found in tiny things—a breeze through the trees, the warmth of your favorite drink, a dog lying at your feet, a kind message from a friend.
Glimmers don’t erase pain, but they can help balance it. Start noticing them, even just one or two a day. You might be surprised how they gently shift your internal landscape and remind you that even in the hard, there is still good.
Practice Reality Acceptance
Reality acceptance does not mean liking what’s happening or saying it doesn’t matter—it means acknowledging what is, non judgmentally, without resisting or denying it. This isn’t about giving up; it’s about choosing peace over constant inner struggle.
Maybe this holiday isn’t what you hoped for. Maybe your energy is low, your heart is heavy, or your circumstances have changed. Acceptance creates space. It invites you to work with reality, not against it—and that opens up room for compassion, creativity, and even comfort.
Focus on What You Can Do
You might not be able to join the block party or hike to the perfect firework-viewing spot—but what is possible today? Could you create a comforting meal? Watch fireworks online or from your porch? Spend time with Jesus? Write a letter, read a book, spend time with a pet, or take a slow walk in nature?
Choosing to focus on what’s within your control allows you to move from feeling helpless to feeling empowered. Even small acts of care can be deeply grounding.
You’re Not Alone
If this Fourth of July feels less like a celebration and more like a challenge, you’re not the only one. Holidays are not one-size-fits-all. They can bring joy, but they can also stir grief, fatigue, or longing. Your experience is valid.
