Building Resiliency: Growing Stronger After Trauma

Healing from trauma is not about erasing what happened—it’s about learning to live with greater peace, strength, and compassion for yourself and others. We can reduce the distress surrounding traumatic events or experiences so that you can live in freedom. As you heal, you increase resilience. It isn’t about being tough or unaffected; it’s about cultivating the ability to bend without breaking, to find steadiness when the world feels uncertain. I like to think of the palm trees in Florida during hurricanes. The wind whips, swirls, the rain comes, and destruction occurs. Not always, but many times I see palm trees, deeply rooted in the ground, standing tall, and bending with the wind. They are more apt to sustain the harsh experience because of their ability to bend and sway with the wind. Building resiliency helps you navigate life’s challenges while holding onto hope, purpose, and a sense of internal safety..

1. The Importance of Resiliency in Healing

Resiliency is the capacity that helps you adapt and recover after difficult life experiences. For trauma survivors, resilience doesn’t mean pretending everything is okay—it means creating space for healing while developing tools to face discomfort safely.

When we build resiliency, we strengthen our nervous system’s ability to respond to stress in healthy and effective ways. We become less reactive, more grounded, and better able to engage with life again. Resiliency supports your ability to regulate emotion, it reduces anxiety, tolerate distress, and can even impact your relationships in positive ways.

2. The Reality of Suffering

Trauma brings pain, loss, and moments that feel too heavy to bear. The truth is, suffering is part of being human. It is something we all have in common. In this life, we will experience pain and suffering. We can expect it. Personally, I am so thankful for the hope of heaven. Knowing that this world is not the end, our experiences of pain and suffering will be made new one day, helps me navigate the seasons of pain. The reality of pain and suffering doesn’t make your pain any less real or important. Healing begins when we stop judging ourselves for struggling and instead allow compassion to enter the story.

Many people try to “push past” their pain or minimize their experiences, but genuine healing happens when we acknowledge what we’ve been through in the context of safe others. Facing suffering with gentleness and compassion allows the body and mind to begin releasing the weight of survival mode. It’s not about rushing to feel better—it’s about learning to be present with what is, one moment at a time.

3. Expanding Your Window of Tolerance

One of the most helpful concepts in trauma recovery is the “window of tolerance.” This refers to the range of emotions and sensations your nervous system can handle before feeling overwhelmed or shut down.

When trauma narrows this window, even small stressors can trigger anxiety, panic, or numbness. But as you practice regulation and safety, your window gradually expands. You learn that emotions—while uncomfortable—can be tolerated and worked through.

Expanding your window of tolerance takes time and patience. It involves learning to notice when you’re outside that window and gently guiding yourself back to a state of calm through various coping skills including mindfulness, connection with others, thought challenging, and grounding skills. Each time you do, you’re teaching your body that safety is possible again.

4. Skills That Help Build Resilience

Resilience is built through consistent practices that support your emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual healing. Here are a few foundational skills that can help:

• Connection with Safe Others
  Healing happens in the presence of safety. Surrounding yourself with people who are calm, kind, and trustworthy helps regulate your nervous system. Whether it’s a therapist, support group, or close friend, being seen and understood fosters healing in ways isolation never can. If you are reading this and think “I am so alone, I don’t have any one” I invite you to take a breath. This can be a common feeling or reality after trauma. I encourage you to begin to see what is available around you - even if it is a therapist or therapy support group.

• Mindfulness
  Mindfulness helps you return to the present moment—especially when trauma memories pull you into the past. By gently noticing your breath, sensations, or surroundings, you can remind your body that you are safe right now. Mindfulness doesn’t mean forcing calm; it’s about cultivating curiosity and compassion for whatever arises.

• Prayer and Spiritual Connection
  For many, prayer is a grounding source of strength. It reminds you that you’re not walking this path alone and that grace meets you in the middle of the mess. Spiritual connection can help anchor your healing process in hope and meaning.

• Distress Tolerance Skills
  During moments of high emotion, distress tolerance tools help you stay grounded without turning to avoidance or self-criticism. Techniques like deep breathing, holding an ice cube, or describing your surroundings out loud can bring you back into the present when your body feels unsafe. Sometimes we need to engage in things that release the increased energy that comes with high stress or distress. Things like doing 25 jumping jacks, pressing your feet into the floor as hard as you can and then release, or your hands against a wall as hard as you can, then release, or taking a brisk walk can all be helpful in releasing the energy so that your thinking brain can come back on line and you can take the next step.

• Emotion Regulation Skills
  Healing means learning to understand your emotions instead of fearing them. Emotions are a communication source. Sometimes they are based in currently reality, yet other times they are reactions based on past events or experiences that have been triggered in the present. Practices like journaling, movement, embodiment, art, and self-compassion allow emotions to flow through rather than stay trapped. Over time, this builds confidence that you can experience intense feelings without being consumed by them.

Resilience Is a Gentle Rebuilding

Building resilience after trauma is not about “getting over it.” It’s about learning that your nervous system can heal, your heart can trust again, and your story can hold both pain and beauty. Each step you take—no matter how small—is a testament to your courage and growth.

You are not broken for needing time to heal. You are rebuilding strength from the inside out, and that process is sacred. With support, faith, and gentle practice, you can grow stronger—not in spite of what you’ve been through, but through it.

Stay tuned for the next blog as I will share a story of resiliency from a blind dog.